Decluttering Part 2: Forgiveness

What is the purpose of decluttering? For me, decluttering is not just about removing excess from my physical space, but also about clearing my mental and emotional space in order to give myself peace. Forgiveness is one way you can lessen the emotional load on yourself.

When you feel hard done by, you carry anger, resentment, perhaps even hatred towards a person or group. Carrying these negative emotions stops you from finding happiness and moving on with your life. No matter how badly I’ve been treated, I try not to hold grudges. Why and how?

Firstly, you may never receive an apology because the person may not know that they’ve hurt you, or may not think that they’ve done anything wrong. Secondly, if you ask for an apology, you’ll never know whether that person is genuinely sorry or whether they’re just saying it to get you off his or her back. Alternatively, they may give you a backhanded apology and make you feel worse. Pursuing an apology doesn’t always yield anything.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that you’re excusing that person’s actions, or that they deserve your forgiveness. You’re doing it to let that experience go so that you’re no longer hurting. Each time you think about how someone has hurt you, you are re-living that experience and continually hurting yourself. Wouldn’t it just be easier to forgive? Harbouring resentment is a burden that disables you from living a positive life of higher vibrations.

I realise that it’s not an easy thing to do. I’m not saying you should ignore all bad behaviours. If it helps you, you can tell that person how they have hurt you. What they do with that information is up to them. They may choose to apologise, or they may not. You can still stick up for yourself but regardless of the response you get, how you feel is in your power.

Be compassionate to yourself. Acknowledge the effects that the behaviour of others has had on you. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to talk about it with a friend. It’s okay to be affected. People can be really awful to each other, especially to those closest to them. Once you have had enough time to process your reaction, let go of the pain because it doesn’t serve your future.

Perhaps even think about how the pain has made you grow – maybe you are stronger because of it. Maybe you learned something. Maybe you’ll know better next time, or it has helped you identify a pattern of behaviour in others that you’ll avoid in the future. A lesson can be gained from any life experience; whether good or bad.

The next step is to tell yourself that you forgive that person, and by doing so you set yourself free. If someone has the ability to hurt you, it’s likely that they are doing it to others and will keep living life in that way. You may even feel sorry for them that they don’t have the social or emotional intelligence to realise how their behaviours are affecting others. You don’t need that person in your life.

Forgive yourself too.

You know the hardest person to forgive? Yourself. That’s the most difficult part of decluttering your heart. We are all human. We have made mistakes that we regret, but you can’t hate yourself forever. I don’t know the source of this following quote, but I’d like to share it:

Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time. Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviours. Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up while enduring trauma. Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be

– Unknown

Life can be hard. Shit things happen. Shit people happen. Maybe you were one of them once… but we all evolve. Strive to be the best that you can be in this present moment, and that’s all that you can really do. By forgiving yourself for the past, you can run towards a brighter and happier future without shackles on your feet. That’s one way I declutter my heart and mind. It takes practice and strength, but forgive yourself and others. I promise you will feel so much lighter.

Take care,

Miko xx

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